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What Makes Her Hesitate To Move In With You

23 Mar

Good day all!

Do you know what scares me most about relationships?  It is taking it to a higher level of commitment.  Moving in together and officially calling ourselves an item have always been hard.  It is not decision to take lightly.  My boyfriend almost gave up on our relationship because he thought that I was waiting too long; that I don’t seem to be willing to take a chance on him.  But I’ve always done my due diligence before making such a big decision.  That we remain together after a couple of years is testament to the effectiveness of waiting for just the right moment to commit to each other.

So you have been going out for some time now and you want to stick with her. You feel like this is going to be for the long term and that she feels the same way you do, you also tested some easy ways to test compatibility.

But for some weird, totally unfathomable reason, she seems to have changed her mind about you and about commitment. You end up wondering whether you’ve done something to make her change her mind.  Commitment is the goal of most every relationship. People get into relationships for the security and comfort of it; of knowing that they will always have someone to “belong” to, someone who “belongs” to them, whose love they do not have to share with anyone else, and to actually have someone who will stay for the long term.

Why she will turn you down

Maybe you forgot how to mess with a woman’s mind but there really are things that make people turn away from committing to you (or to anyone else). Here are some; check if any of these applies to you:

Maybe she thinks you are not serious enough about commitment: Some girls run away before they get hurt. If you seem like the type who would not take her and your relationship with her seriously, and that you are a potentially dangerous man who could wound her heart, she’ll walk away before you get the chance to get too close for comfort; yes, even if you’re totally into her and you’re ready to give up your single guy rights for her. How do you correct this? Change the way she sees you; show her that you can be loyal and that you can stick to one woman.

Pressure: Some people work well under pressure, others explode and get blown away – and not in a very good way. Don’t put anyone, especially a lady, under pressure. It might scare her away. It makes relationships and commitments seem like an ordeal, something that is so big and scary that she needs to be pinned to the wall for an answer. The answer will be half-hearted so think twice before pressuring the living hell out of her. Wait until she’s good and ready or you risk her off if you can’t wait.

Maybe you have been very domineering. As mentioned earlier, some women run off before things get too difficult to run away from. If you’re the guy who chokes, smothers, and makes her feel inferior, she will definitely say no to the idea of being tied down to you in a committed relationship. If being with you means she’d losing a big part of herself, she’s likely to pack her bags and leave before she gets caught in up in a trap of a relationship.

You can also view this article from GQ.

Asking for an upgrade in the commitment to a relationship, after some time of going out and getting to know each other, is usually left to the guy. It is up to you to show her that staying together with you for the long haul is a good idea.  But if everything didn’t work out well, read this tips.

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So Your Ex Wants You Back! What Do You Do Now?

12 Dec

Greetings fellows, and thanks for visiting my site!

What else can be more difficult, challenging and frustrating than moving on from a serious relationship? It has to be this: when you’ve already convinced yourself that you have actually and painstakingly fully moved on from her and then she shows up telling you that she wants you back.

Now how is that for a bombshell, huh? Just when you thought everything about you is fine and things have never been more perfect, your dearest darling of an ex comes along with a bagful of bad past heartbreaks and tells you that she wants to open all that again with you.

This, of course, torments you no end.  Things You Should Never Say About Your Ex.

Let me give you one girl’s perspective – mine.  I have never ever asked someone I have broken up with for reconciliation.  Pride has nothing to do with it.  And yes, getting back together is tempting even to me.  However, I don’t take the decision to breakup lightly.  But when every effort to salvage a relationship fails, then a breakup becomes inevitable.  A couple of years ago, after I broke up with Danny, I was down in the dumps and visiting the local bars here in Trenton, New Jersey much more frequently.  But when he asked for another chance to try to revive our relationship, I said no. I see no reason to revisit past hurts in an effort that is most likely to fail anyway.  I’m not saying all reconciliation attempts fail – what I’m saying is that there is very little chance to succeed.

You begin to think about one thing after another, weighing things, imagining stuff, creating doom scenarios in your head and reliving each and every part of your last painful breakup – yes, that exact same breakup that you had worked so hard to move on from. And here she comes trying to ruin all that you’ve worked hard for. All. Of. It.

Things you should never do

While I can’t exactly tell you what to do except of these effective ways on how to maintain long distance relationships should you find yourself in this kind of misery, I can tell you what you should NOT do so the situation does not get worse. Here are the 5 things you should never do when your ex wants you back:

Say ‘yes’ right away. You have just gone through a horrible breakup, and that’s partly baecause of her. And to jump right back into it is most likely going to make you feel worse. Think it through; take as much time as you want not because you deserve it but because that’s what’s best for both of you.

Get drunk. Yes, it is tempting, and yes it seems like the best and only thing to do in the midst of this confusion. But that is not the wisest thing to do. You would be better off talking about it with someone mature and objective – brother, best friend, girl best friend, anyone who can help clear your probably currently hazy mind.

Have an instant rebound girlfriend. Apart from getting drunk, this is something may even make worse sense. Of course, you’re angry and you want to take revenge. What better way to extract that revenge than to get another instant girlfriend, right? But slow it down, gentleman; that would be unfair for everyone involved. And besides, it won’t solve anything. It might even add to the problem.

Have sex with her. As if your current situation isn’t complicated enough, having sex with her during this crucial juncture between relationship and un-relationship can only add more confusion. Orgasms would only make your hazy brain even hazier.

Say yes only to get back at her. Revenge does not solve anything and that sense of gratification can only last you so long.

Your first breakup should have taught you enough; take whatever lesson you got from that prior heartbreak and use it to weigh this situation. See this interesting article and good luck!

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Are You Meant For Each Other? How To Tell.

7 Oct

Hello lovers!

In dating and relationships, attraction is the easy part, getting him or her to like you back is a bit harder, but building a stable relationship is by far the hardest.  In my case, all the previous relationships I’ve had were led to a breakup by compatibility issues.  Though I try to be as discerning as I can before committing myself, there are still issues that don’t come out till you get really cozy with each other.  No one is perfect, and I have minor issues with my boyfriend’s snoring, but that is something I can live with.  When you encounter big issues, such as dishonesty or worse cheating, then you can say you and your partner cannot be considered compatible; and that will make breakup inevitable.

What do you do after making her like you (with the help of SIBG.com guide to get a woman to like you back)? What to do to sustain the good relationship you started with her?

Attraction, passion, and compatibility are probably the three most important and most basic ingredients that make a good, solid start for a relationship. Of the three, compatibility is practically the only one that you get the chance to test. After all, attraction draws you to that person right at the beginning. Passion keeps the fire burning even when attraction wanes out of familiarity but compatibility makes one stick there – effortlessly.

There are many ways to test compatibility in a relationship. In fact, if you use that word to search on Google, you’d get tens of thousands of free ‘love tests’ and compatibility tests. But what does compatibility mean? Do loving to eat the same thing, or loving the same music, or maybe even enjoying the same stuff together make you compatible? Yes, but not entirely.

Compatibility is sharing the same amount of enjoyment for the same things but it’s not all that; compatibility also requires knowing how to appreciate and enjoy what the other person loves doing. It’s also about loving two different things that complement each other; like a singer and a dancer, or a photographer and a model. Compatibility makes company with each other enjoyable even in the long run. That is why it makes for a perfect ingredient for a relationship, without which a relationship will find it hard to thrive.

Are you compatible?

How do you test your compatibility? How do you make sure that your prospective ladylove is someone you’re compatible with? Here are 5 easy ways to test compatibility (believe me, they are so easy you’d be surprised to know you have already been doing it ever since you started dating):

Plan a date. Get date suggestions from her and list down your own suggestions too. Her areas of interest will be revealed by her choices and yours to her. Ask her especially if your Dating an Alpha Female.  Try to see if each other’s interests spark you both.

Spend a day together without prior plans. A random date is one of the most effective ways to test compatibility. Would you survive – comfortably – if you spent an entire day without any planned activity?

Spend your day the way she does. Discover her persona by living her life for a day. It would surprise you to know how her mundane, ordinary day could actually tell how well you would be if you were a couple. Taking turns would be really healthy.

Answer a ‘slam book’ questionnaire. It is not as immature as it seems, trust me. Favorite food, music, book, blah blahblah – the list goes on and on and this is an outright shameless way to ask your date/prospective girlfriend if you are compatible or not.

Spend time in conversations. Conversations offer the best ways to check for compatibility. Compatibility is when you don’t always agree on a topic that neither of you planned to talk about but still manage to enjoy an effortless conversation – one that does not have a beginning or an end, and no awkward moments in between.

Also, take this test from cosmopolitan.com.

Make your tests fun and light. And more importantly, don’t let the result dictate how you run your relationship. Email me for further questions at lindy@thesoilsisters.com. Good luck!

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