So Your Ex Wants You Back! What Do You Do Now?

12 Dec

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What else can be more difficult, challenging and frustrating than moving on from a serious relationship? It has to be this: when you’ve already convinced yourself that you have actually and painstakingly fully moved on from her and then she shows up telling you that she wants you back.

Now how is that for a bombshell, huh? Just when you thought everything about you is fine and things have never been more perfect, your dearest darling of an ex comes along with a bagful of bad past heartbreaks and tells you that she wants to open all that again with you.

This, of course, torments you no end.  Things You Should Never Say About Your Ex.

Let me give you one girl’s perspective – mine.  I have never ever asked someone I have broken up with for reconciliation.  Pride has nothing to do with it.  And yes, getting back together is tempting even to me.  However, I don’t take the decision to breakup lightly.  But when every effort to salvage a relationship fails, then a breakup becomes inevitable.  A couple of years ago, after I broke up with Danny, I was down in the dumps and visiting the local bars here in Trenton, New Jersey much more frequently.  But when he asked for another chance to try to revive our relationship, I said no. I see no reason to revisit past hurts in an effort that is most likely to fail anyway.  I’m not saying all reconciliation attempts fail – what I’m saying is that there is very little chance to succeed.

You begin to think about one thing after another, weighing things, imagining stuff, creating doom scenarios in your head and reliving each and every part of your last painful breakup – yes, that exact same breakup that you had worked so hard to move on from. And here she comes trying to ruin all that you’ve worked hard for. All. Of. It.

Things you should never do

While I can’t exactly tell you what to do except of these effective ways on how to maintain long distance relationships should you find yourself in this kind of misery, I can tell you what you should NOT do so the situation does not get worse. Here are the 5 things you should never do when your ex wants you back:

Say ‘yes’ right away. You have just gone through a horrible breakup, and that’s partly baecause of her. And to jump right back into it is most likely going to make you feel worse. Think it through; take as much time as you want not because you deserve it but because that’s what’s best for both of you.

Get drunk. Yes, it is tempting, and yes it seems like the best and only thing to do in the midst of this confusion. But that is not the wisest thing to do. You would be better off talking about it with someone mature and objective – brother, best friend, girl best friend, anyone who can help clear your probably currently hazy mind.

Have an instant rebound girlfriend. Apart from getting drunk, this is something may even make worse sense. Of course, you’re angry and you want to take revenge. What better way to extract that revenge than to get another instant girlfriend, right? But slow it down, gentleman; that would be unfair for everyone involved. And besides, it won’t solve anything. It might even add to the problem.

Have sex with her. As if your current situation isn’t complicated enough, having sex with her during this crucial juncture between relationship and un-relationship can only add more confusion. Orgasms would only make your hazy brain even hazier.

Say yes only to get back at her. Revenge does not solve anything and that sense of gratification can only last you so long.

Your first breakup should have taught you enough; take whatever lesson you got from that prior heartbreak and use it to weigh this situation. See this interesting article and good luck!

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